Lessons in Transition

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Transition is hard. It can highlight all of one's worst traits or tendencies - impatience, stubbornness, nagging, snappiness, perfectionism, numbness, anxiety, to name a few (one or more of these may or may not apply to me). It can push you to your breaking point, especially if you are transitioning in multiple parts of your life at once - school, work, home, relationships, whatever it may be. So how does one keep from going over the edge? For me it is self-care, self-reflection and having a community of support where I can truly share my most vulnerable self.

This past year I have been embarking on a 10 month program called Reclamation, hosted and taught by the wonderful Molly Mahar of Stratejoy.com. Each month we have been exploring and reflecting on different topics ranging from expectations to body love and courage to purpose. The community built through this has been a rock for me through a year leading to great transition in my life. Despite all the change I knew was coming I could feel in my core that I needed to take the time to go through such a process. It is indeed what has kept me from losing myself or getting buried amongst a lot of frustration and feelings of stuckness. I highly recommend to others to find such an offering by someone who aligns with your soul and values. Molly has provided me with tools that have helped keep me grounded. I repeatedly come back to her programs because she speaks my language and I feel like she is a kindred spirit. She has taught me that everyone's voice is important, including my own. This is in part because I have tried programs with other people, but not felt the same connection and comfort. Everyone's voice matters simply because our voice  will often speak more directly to some than others and we all need to find the right fit when it comes to mentoring, teaching, and guidance.

One of my big aha moments of late involves some clarity in my own shame story of not being smart enough and always comparing my intelligence and accomplishments to others. I was reminded recently by my mother that when I was in kindergarten overseas (my dad was in the military), I had not been fully prepared for the curriculum at my new school in a new city and seemed to struggle in the beginning with academics. When a classmate saw my report card full of incomplete markings she foretold that my parents were not going to be happy with me, which led to me hiding my report card and breaking out in tears when my mother approached me about it. Fast forward to when I was 8 years old and now doing quite well in school. I have this very vivid memory of my teacher asking me a question that I didn't know the answer to. A boy in my class said "what happened to you, Kelly, you used to be so smart?" And herein lies the moment my self-doubt was born. I was eight, people! (To be fair, I absolutely loved third grade apart from this very vivid memory.)

I was reflecting on this in a conversation with some of the others doing the same Reclamation course and I suddenly realised how this shaped the future of my academic career and also my job path. I loved my time at university and I was quite involved in a lot of extracurricular activities. But I was also a major procrastinator and never really soared above a B average. I understand now that this has had a lot to do with my own belief that I wasn't smart enough or good enough and if I actually gave it my best and still failed, then this belief would be proven as fact. Pretty sad, huh? But, likely a common story for many of us.

I can even think of numerous ways in my different career endeavours where I have belittled my own presence or work on a project because I wasn't an expert like 'they' were. It has always been an area where I lack self-confidence. Even now I find myself in my current role surrounded by people with Masters and Doctorates, which at times can feel very intimidating. There is the quote by Theodore Roosevelt that states "Comparison is the thief of joy." Good ol' Teddy. Ain't that the truth!

So there is still much work to be done in this area, but I know I am on the right path to freedom from these lies I tell myself. I can feel in my soul that I am meant for a more fulfilling and joyful  path whether that ends up revealing itself through my career or elsewhere in my life. I know that I have my own unique gifts to offer and I just need to find my niche so that I can share them at full capacity. I do know that I am an 'expert' in being kind and open-hearted and fun-loving and that is never a bad place to start. Just keep showing up authentically for your life and the path will continue to reveal itself.